Summer Nights
by JustTamm
Summary: AU: What if Angel and Collins met when they were younger?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:**_ I have another story for you guys. I've been thinking about writing this for a while now, so I finally decided to kick myself in the ass and do it. Please read and tell me what you think. Like always, the cool people who review get cookies (imaginary ones)

Also, I usually write Angel as a "she" because that's how I see her, but for the first few chapters of this story she's gonna be a "he".

**_Disclamier_**: I wish I did own RENT, but sadly I don't**

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**Chapter 1**

Tom Collins felt hot and sticky stuck in the backseat of the family car. He wanted to be back in Scarsdale with his friends but his mom had a friend that invited them out to the Poconos and apparently they just had to go. He, once again, started shifting his legs to try and work out the cramps. When he was smaller, the backseat was great, but being 6' 2" tall was a blessing for basketball but a curse for long road trips. They finally reached their destination as the car pulled onto a dirt road that was surrounded by small cabins. Theirs was on a road called Happiness. All the roads had dumb names. He wondered if there was one further down the way called Despair. It's where he felt he belonged.

* * *

Their cabin was white with blue trim that was slowly peeling off. Inside, the wood floors were well worn and covered with dirt. The wallpaper was a pale green checkered pattern that had a few swatches missing. The cupboards had layers upon layers of paint that seemed to barely be keeping the battered doors together. His parents took the only bedroom while Collins was forced to sleep on the sofa bed in the sunroom. He opened some of the windows to get a nice cross breeze going through his space. He just didn't understand why his family couldn't have stayed in Scarsdale. 

Collins began to unpack his clothes and place them in the battered chest beside his bed. He also pulled out his sleeping bag and pillow and placed them on the bed and then fell into their softness. He looked out at all the families that seemed to be enjoying each other but he knew no one here. There was a commotion in the kitchen and his mom's voice drifted through the cabin. One of the women had invited Collins and his parents to a large cookout with all of the other families and his mom graciously accepted the offer. Of course his mom just had to ask if there was going to be any one his age there, especially girls. Collins groaned and pulled his pillow over his head. One more year and he would be going to college and hopefully living in a dorm away from his parents.

Collins had dozed off when he felt his mom start to shake his shoulders.

"Sweetheart, get up and out of bed. We've been invited out this evening"

"I heard. Can't I just stay here?"

"No. You have been so moody lately, it will be good to get out and meet some new people. Could you please get changed into something you haven't slept in?"

Collins silently cursed. There probably were girls his age, but why could he not get a break. He had known for some time now that he was gay. He just was not sure how to come out to parents. It seemed so unfair that everyone assumed people to be straight and placed all sorts of pressure for them to stay within the norm. Collins' mom was constantly bothering him about the fact that he always spent his Friday and Saturday nights with his friends, instead of going out on dates with girls. He just couldn't tell her that he had no intention of trying to kiss a girl, let alone have a relationship with one.

He slowly got out of bed and decided he could go through one more day of this charade. He put on some baggy jeans, a loose black t-shirt and a black knit before heading out the door.

* * *

He walked a few feet behind his mom and dad, dragging his feet along the dirt path. Every once in a while he would stop to take a look at the foliage. Unfortunately, no matter how much he procrastinated, he could hear the laughter and happy voices just ahead of him. Once he cleared the trees and underbrush, there was a large clear area with a few barbecue pits in the middle. There were six girls that started waving to try and catch his attention. They were all dressed up in jeans and tight shirts that left little to the imagination. Collins waved at them and headed behind his mom to try and help her get the salad ready that she had brought in separate baggies to keep the lettuce from getting to soggy. 

He stayed close to his parents in the beginning and pretended not to notice his admirers. When it seemed that they just were not going to take the hint, he made his excuses to his mom that he was very tired and left the group. Instead of heading back to the cabin, he started exploring, trying to find different hiding places he could use for the next two weeks. He came up behind one of the cabins and noticed that there was a family sitting on the back porch. He thought everyone had gone to the cookout and was curious as to why this family was excluded. He was so busy looking at the cabin he did not hear the approaching footsteps.

"Hey, are you lost?"

The voice shocked him. As he turned to look at the young man speaking to him, his foot caught onto a root and he ended up as a heap on the ground.

"Oh my god! Are you okay? Do you need help getting up?"

Collins looked up into the most gorgeous brown eyes. His skin was the color of mocha and he had short curly black hair. He wore some tight faded jeans with a red shirt with designs on the front of it. He slowly bent down and offered his hand to help Collins up. Collins grabbed the small wrist and was amazed by its powerful grip and strength as he was pulled to his feet. Once upright, he almost fell over again when he felt hands on his arm and shoulder steadying him.

"My name's Angel. If you put your arm over my shoulder I can help you to our cabin. My mom knows first aid and your ankle looks like it could use some ice"

Collins could feel the swelling already beginning and couldn't believe how clumsy he had been. Angel was about half a foot shorter than Collins and was just the right height to be his crutch.

"Thanks. My name's Tom Collins, but my friends just call me Collins. I really appreciate your help."

That was no lie. As they began to walk, white hot pain was shooting up Collins' leg. Did he do more damage than he thought? He looked over at his savior and was rewarded with a bright smile. It distracted him from his pain and made the trek across the backyard bearable. He couldn't stop looking over at Angel. It was something about him that had Collins captivated.

* * *

As they neared their destination, Collins was able to get a closer look at the people he had been spying on. He assumed the full figured Latina was Angel's mom. Her companion was a younger and smaller Latina who looked to be about a couple years older than Angel. Both women were able to meet them at the bottom of the stairs leading to the deck. Angel introduced his mom and sister to his new friend. 

"Mom, Danielle, This is Collins. He was looking for his cabin when he stumbled."

"Well, Hello, Collins. I'm Angel's mom, but you can call me Vicki. Why don't you sit down while I get you some ice."

Angel and Danielle helped Collins climb up the five steps and into a chair. He kept most of his weight on Angel since he seemed steadier than Danielle. It also brought Angel closer to him.

Once they had him seated in a tattered wicker chair, Angel pulled up a stool and rested Collins' foot on it. He removed Collins' shoe, being careful not to touch the swollen ankle. Vicki came out from the kitchen and placed a frozen bag of peas around on Collins' ankle. While Vicki was fussing over Collins, he watched Danielle pull Angel into the house, talking quietly to each other and giggling. Collins couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about.

When Danielle and Angel returned outside, Vicki asked Collins, "Would you like a piece of pie? I baked it myself."

"Oh yeah, you should have some. My mom is a really good cook." said Danielle, smiling.

Angel nodded his head in agreement with his sister and got up to go to the kitchen. He came back with a large platter that held the pie and four plates under it. He went back into the kitchen once he set the pie and plates down on the patio table to get some ice tea and ice cream.

Collins had to admit he was quite hungry since he did not eat that much at the cook-out. Vicki ended up loading his plate with a slice of pie and some vanilla ice cream. They started talking and Collins told them about his life back in Scarsdale.

* * *

Slowly the sun began to set and Angel offered to walk Collins back. Collins was sorry to see the evening end. It was the most fun he had in weeks. 

His ankle felt a lot better after having peas melt all over it. Angel and his family insisted that Angel go with him just to make sure he made it back in one piece. As he neared his cabin, Collins saw his dad pacing back and forth in the window as he looked out to see if Collins was coming home yet. When his dad did see him, his dad's face, full of worry, was replaced with anger. Collins could feel the lecture coming on about how his attitude was an embarrassment. Angel got Collins to the front door smiled at him and told Collins he would see him around. Collins certainly hoped so as he entered the cabin waiting for his dad's outburst.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"I got lost on my way back to the cabin and twisted my ankle."

"Next time we go to some social function, you are staying there and no more talking to your new friend."

That was unexpected. How many times had his dad encouraged him to make friends? Angel was nice, as was his family. Probably not influential, but Collins enjoyed their company.

"Why not?"

"You are not to hang out with those people, period. Do I make myself clear?"

Collins was frustrated. He wanted to see Angel again. He turned his back on his dad's rant about what was expected of him. He went into his room and pulled a chair against the door, locking himself in. He pulled the sheets that were acting as curtains across the windows so that he could have some privacy. His mom tried to come in, so she could talk to him and check on his ankle, but Collins said he was okay and wanted to be alone. He stretched out on his bed, trying to read, but he was distracted by his memories. He just couldn't stop thinking about Angel. He definitely had to see him again.

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_**A/N:**_ Don't worry people. More chapters to come. 


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:**_ Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. Also thanks to all the people who reviewed the last chapter. Cookies to you all! Reviews make my day!

**_Disclamier_**: I wish I did own RENT, but sadly I don't**

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**Chapter 2 **

It rained all the next day and with his ankle still healing, Collins was forced to spend the time indoors. He felt like he was some weird science experiment the way his parents were following his movements. After breakfast they had sat down as a family to play a few card games.

Collins managed to tolerate his parents for a little over two hours, but he couldn't take them anymore. He made some excuses about elevating his ankle and went back to his room. Once the door was shut, he allowed all the stress and worry to drain out of him. He fell face first into his bed and used the pillow to muffle his scream.

After his release, he sat upright on his bed and placed the pillow under his leg and pulled out his latest book. It was Plato's The Republic, and soon he was engrossed in the pages and oblivious to the outside world.

Collins was brought back to the real world when he heard some yelling outside of the cabin. It was still raining and Angel was outside, absolutely soaked and carrying what appeared to be a bag of fresh fruit from the local store. Behind Angel, a tall boy along with two girls were following Angel and seemed to be making fun of him. The boy shoved Angel from behind and Collins watched him stumble to the ground.

"C'mon. Get up, faggot."

"Hey, Kyle. I bet he likes it when you touch him like that."

"Did anyone ever tell you being a fag isn't normal?"

Collins then understood why his father was so upset. His stomach suddenly felt like it was rising up to his throat. He sat stunned on the bed, wondering if Angel or his family had known Collins' secret. Just then, Angel pulled himself up from the ground and pushed Kyle back. Collins tried to stifle a laugh as he watched Kyle fall to the ground. Not only was Angel strong, but he was also fast and by the time the two girls had helped Kyle off the ground, Angel was out of sight.

* * *

Collins awoke early in the morning since he went to bed early last night. He threw his long legs over the side of the bed and tested out his ankle. It wasn't quite back to normal, but his mom figured he only twisted it. The swelling had gone down and he could stand, but he just limped a little bit. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a muffin that his mom had made yesterday and left a note for his parents, then headed out the door. 

Collins started following the main path he had seen Angel use the day before not knowing were it led. After following the curving road and seeing what he figured to be over half the cabins, he found a lake. The sand was still wet from the rain yesterday and squeezed between his toes and got in his sandals. Towering poplars, maples and evergreens surrounded the other three sides of the lake. In the middle of the lake was a floating dock that had a small set of stairs that were partially in the water on the side closest to Collins. He started to walk in the water up to his calf. Overlooking the water, Collins realized he wasn't alone. Someone's head popped out of the water. He slowly watched as the form started to walk towards the shore and was delighted when he recognized it was Angel.

"Hey, Collins. I was just taking a morning swim."

"I noticed, although I suppose it would have to be early in the morning if you wanted to avoid Kyle."

Angel's eyes seemed to darken at the mention of the name and Collins began to regret bringing him up.

"Yeah, well, we can't all be assholes, but Kyle does his best."

Collins couldn't help but laugh and soon Angel was laughing with him.

"I suppose you saw us yesterday?"

"Yeah. I heard everything."

"Well, most people can definitely tell I'm gay and they get upset over it."

"I take it your mom's cool with it?"

"She's totally cool about it. When I came out to her, she said she still loves and supports me regardless. We're a close family. As long as my sister and I are happy, my mom's happy."

Collins just nodded his head. He could remember a long time ago when he had felt that close to his parents, but that was more than two years ago. He felt he had to distance himself to protect his secret, even though it hurt his parents, but the truth would hurt them even more.

Angel moved to a bush and picked up a pair of sandals and a plain blue t- shirt. He had not dried himself off first, which made his shirt plaster to his chest. Collins licked his lips as he remembered what lay underneath. '_Don't think about it, just control yourself. If you can't do that then turn around and leav_e,' Collins thought. He was concentrating so hard on trying to get the image of Angel partially nude out of his mind, he barely heard Angel ask him a question.

"Do you want to hang out together today?"

Angel seemed so hesitant to ask Collins, as if he was used to people saying no. He started to chew on his bottom lip as he looked at Collins and waited for a response.

"Considering you saved me, I would love to."

"I hardly saved you. All you did was hurt your ankle, and that would not have happened if I hadn't surprised you."

"I can see it now, 'Teen dies at cabin resort, eaten alive by bugs after a terrible fall.'"

Angel eyes lit up as he started giggling. It really was a crazy thought, but Collins loved the sound of Angel's laugh. Maybe the next two weeks wouldn't be as bad as he thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: _**I am so so so sorry that it took me so long to update. I hope you like this chapter as much as the others. Please R&R. :) 

**Disclaimer**: I don't own it and I never will.**

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**Chapter 3**

Collins woke up early in the morning as he had done for the past two weeks, looking forward to seeing Angel. The days seemed to pass too quickly and in one day, Collins would head back to Scarsdale and Angel would be off to New Jersey. Collins wanted to join Angel for a swim that morning and then try to spend the rest of the day with him.

Collins loved it when they would go for long walks and make each other laugh with stories of their childhood. Collins told Angel all about his plans to go out of state for college and major in philosophy. His dad was always telling him to choose a real major; His mom, on the other hand, was a firm believer that an education was what you made of it and Collins could do anything if he was willing to work for it.

He had been lying to his dad about where he was going so he could spend time with Angel. He had even gone back to the Schunard cabin a few times for meals or to just hang out, playing poker with Angel, Danielle and their mom, Vicki.

The sun began to peak into his room and Collins bolted out of bed wanting to get to the lake as soon as possible. As he entered the kitchen, he saw his dad perched at the dining table.

"Where do think your going this early in the morning?'

"I though I would go to the lake for a swim."

"This was supposed to be a family vacation. The least you can do is spend some time with me and your mother. You are leaving for college at the end of the summer and we won't see you until the holidays."

"That's still a month and a half away."

"I don't care if it's a month and a half, you're staying with us today. There's a farmers market as well as some interesting sites that aren't in Scarsdale and we're going to them. Now get some breakfast and be ready to leave in half an hour."

"Dad please, I want to spend my last day with my new friends."

"I said no and that's final."

His dad stormed into the bedroom. Collins could hear his mom try to convince his dad to let him go, but his dad had made his decision and there was nothing they could do.

* * *

Collins was miserable the whole trip, not taking any interest in the farmers market or the bird sanctuary. When his mom asked if was enjoying himself, he plastered his best fake smile and told her this was great. There was no point in them all being miserable. The family made it back to the cabin in the late afternoon and his mom started dinner. Collins helped with preparing the salad while his mom chatted about some of the things he could do for his last day in the Poconos.

"Sweetheart, are you going to that campout with all the other kids?" Collins could just imagine what the kids were going to do. He hadn't been invited since he avoided all the other kids. It would mean he could stay out late and stay away from his dad. He was still angry at being forced to waste his vacation doing things he didn't want to do.

"I thought I would check it out and decide once I got there."

"Okay, just make sure if you do go that you're back by eleven in the morning since your dad wants to leave at a reasonable time."

Once dinner was over and the dishes were cleaned and put away, Collins excused himself, grabbed his bag with a change of clothes and his sleeping bag and headed out the door.

Collins had taken the shortcut to Angel's cabin and watched as Vicki and Danielle were out on the patio sitting in the chairs and talking. Collins felt a slight pressure on his shoulder and almost jumped out of his skin. He turned around to look into the brown eyes he could never forget. Angel smiled as he released his grip on Collins' shoulder.

"I was wondering when you were gonna show up."

"Today turned out to be family day and this was my chance to escape my parental units."

Angel chuckled softly and shook his head. He seemed surprised the first time Collins had told him about his need to get away from his parents on a regular basis, but Angel's relationship with his family wasn't claustrophobic.

"What's the bag for? You're planning on running away? Kinda of impatient, if you ask me. Soon, you will be off to the hallways of higher education."

"Sorta. My mom heard about this campout and told me to go."

Angel pouted slightly and Collins had to resist looking at the plump bottom lip jutting out.

"That's on the other side of camp and Kyle and company will be there."

"I was just going to sneak back into my cabin later tonight, instead of explaining to them that I don't want to make friends with Kyle."

"Why would that be a problem?"

"Kyle comes from a good family and my dad believes that connections are everything."

"Maybe you could stay here. You could spend the night in our cabin. I could ask my mom and see if that's cool with her."

"Okay."

Collins was hoping Vicki would say yes. He enjoyed spending time with Angel's family. The two boys approached the patio similar to the first night Collins was there. Danielle was the first to see them and greeted them as they approached.

"Hey Danielle, it's good to see you again."

"Likewise."

Vicki said hello as she offered Collins and Angel a seat.

After a little light conversation, Angel asked his mom the question about Collins spending the night.

"Mom, could Collins spend his last night here? He was thinking of going out to the campout but he doesn't really like the kids that's gonna be there."

Vicki was quick respond. "Of course you can spend the night here, Collins. Especially what I know will be going on out there. I wonder if those kids' parents know how many of them will lose their virginity out there. It is called "Lovers' Rock" for a reason, ya know."

Danielle and Angel blushed violently. "Mom!"

"I'm sure Collins isn't that naive. You stay out in the living with Angel, Collins. Do you need a blanket or a pillow?"

"Actually, I came prepared. Thanks. I think I would rather stay here than hear someone going at it."

* * *

It was time to turn in and Angel and Collins headed living room to get ready for bed. Angel pulled out the sofa bed and set up his pillow and blanket as Collins laid out his sleeping bag on the floor.

As the two teens settled down, there was a moment when the both just looked into each other's eyes and sat in silence. Collins held his breath as he stared into Angel's eyes that were almost black and filled with desire. He was sure he had the same look in his own eyes. Angel broke the comfortable silence by clearing his throat as he reached to turn off the lamp.

"Night, Collins."

Collins almost swooned at the sound of Angel's voice "G'night Angel."

* * *

Collins barely got a chance to get some sleep because his tossing and turning on the hard floor. His movements managed to wake Angel up from his peaceful sleep. Angel sat up and looked at Collins on the floor, seeing his friend unsuccessfully trying to get comfortable.

"What's the matter? You look uncomfortable."

"I can't sleep because this floor is hard as hell. It's hard to get comfortable."

"Well, you can sleep on the sofa bed with me. That is if you want to."

Collins thought he was dreaming for a second. Of course he wanted to share the same bed with this beauty. He wanted to do more than share a bed with Angel, but that could only happen in his dreams. He climbed out of his sleeping bag and stood up.

As he bent down to grab his sleeping bag, Collins began to hyperventilate a little. The fact that he was about to be so close to Angel was surreal to him. He was waiting to wake up, thinking it was just too good to be true, but at the same time hoping it wasn't a dream. He climbed onto the bed and lay down beside Angel, wrapping the sleeping bag around him as a blanket.

"Thanks."

"No problem. You're more than welcome to share a bed with me anytime."

Collins' eyes opened widen at the unexpected statement. He acted on pure instinct and moved closer to Angel. He placed his hand on Angel's cheek, caressing it softly and leaned in to kiss him. At first, the touch was light with their lips barely touching, but each wanted more. Soon Collins' tongue was trying to gain entrance into Angel's mouth and after a moan escaped Angel's lips, was granted entrance.

Angel's hand had moved to Collins' chest as he kneaded the tight muscles there. When they broke apart for air, all they could do was just stare into each other's eyes. Neither one of the boys had ever experience something like that. The feeling was just indescribable, yet they both knew they had to have more of it.

Collins held Angel tightly to him, resting his forehead against Angel's. Something then came to Collins and he knew deep down had to tell Angel what he felt. He looked deep into Angel's eyes and whispered, "I love you, Angel."

* * *

The next morning, Collins woke to the most incredible sight he had ever witnessed. Snuggled against him was Angel, sleeping peacefully with a faint smile on his face. Collins got out of the bed gently so he wouldn't wake Angel. He put on his shirt and his sandals and stepped out onto the patio. The sun was shining brightly and the air still had that fresh morning smell. He stepped off the patio and walk around the cabin. As he was taking in his surroundings, he heard someone approach him from behind.

"I was gonna come right back. We still have a few hours before I have to head back."

Collins turned around expecting to see Angel, only to come face to face with his dad. He had never seen his dad's face so red and full of anger. He grabbed Collins roughly by the neck and started to pull him in the direction to his family's cabin. Collins dug his heels into the ground, trying to stop himself from going anywhere.

As they walked, Collins' dad scolded, "I told you not to go to that cabin again! We're leaving now, so you better get your ass back to the cabin now or else!"

Collins never got the chance to say good-bye to Angel.

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**_A/N_**: I promise the next chapter will be up soon :) 


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: _**Here's the next chapter. I know it's kinda short and doesn't really have much action, but I promise the next chapter will be more interesting and have a lot more to it. 

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it and never will**

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**Chapter 4**

Collins woke up from his deep sleep. The dream he had seemed to be taunting him, reminding him of things that had happened five years ago. He always tried to forget his first love, but during times of stress or when loneliness got a hold of him, his mind always went back to those two weeks.

His eyes adjusted to the light as it started to drift into his old room. After those two weeks in the Poconos, Collins had spent the rest of the summer in this room, crying over what his father had done. When he saw his relatives who came to visit, they would always whisper when he entered a room. It took all his will power to keep from screaming. At least then, they might speak directly to him instead of behind his back.

When he finally moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts to got to M.I.T., he saw it as an opportunity to reinvent himself. No one knew what had happened. as far as they knew, he was like everyone else. His roommate, Chris, had become good friends. After a few months there, Chris decided Collins must have been really shy and decided to help him in the dating scene.

"_You'll like Kate, she's majoring in economics, but she's a total party girl. Hey, my new girlfriend has a friend who's new here, so we figured we could go on a double date. Shannon's one of the easiest girls on campus. You won't even have to talk to her and I'll be with Dawn all weekend._"

Collins supposed he must have looked nervous on those dates, but not for the reasons Chris suspected. Before, he would have trouble keeping any food down and he always broke out in a sweat. By the time they would actually go out, Collins was all nerves and wishing that the world would swallow him up whole. Sometimes, he would feel bad for being so deceptive, but it wasn't like he was offering these women a future with him. He went out on one date with them and that was it.

The last few years had been hell for him, but was nothing compared to those couple months before he went off to college. It seemed his dad decided that Collins must have just been experimenting that summer and only because he was with a bad influence. They pretended to have a pretty good relationship when others were around, but when it was just the two of them, there were painful silences. Collins would never have the chance to tell his dad how he really felt. His dad had just passed away a week earlier.

Collins still had a good relationship with his mom. She always told him his main goal should be sure to make sure that he was happy. She would ask him if he was happy and it seemed like a crazy question. Had he ever been happy? _'Yeah, I was for two weeks. I was incredibly happy, till I let go,'_' Collins thought to himself.

Collins had tried to contact Angel on a few occasions, but was unable to find a listing for him in Newark, New Jersey.

* * *

As the sun finally filled his old room, Collins finally pulled himself out of bed to get dressed for his father's memorial. He planned to spend a few weeks with his mom to make sure she was going to be okay. At least with him attending Columbia University to pursue a masters in philosophy, he would be closer to home. He could always drive up on weekends until he was sure his mom would be okay on her own.

Collins pulled out a black suit and tie along with a wine colored dress shirt. He put the suit on and stopped at the bathroom to quickly brush his teeth and his hair. He entered the kitchen to find his mom sitting with at the table, drinking a cup of coffee.

"I didn't hear you get up," Collins said.

His mom took a sip of her coffee and let out a sigh. "Well, I didn't expect to get up this early. I never really was a morning person. You know your dad used to have to get you going in the morning to school

Collins sat at the table with his mom and reached out to hold her hand as she continued to talk.

"We had so many great years together. I always hope you'll meet that special someone who will love you for who you are, deeply and truly. After the memorial, I don't want to come back to this empty house. I've made some arrangements to go on a vacation of sorts and I picked the perfect spot to spread your father's ashes. Will you come with me?"

There was such hope in his mother's eyes. How could Collins refuse? He was looking forward to getting out of this house. It held too many painful memories that just wouldn't let him go.

"Why don't you go pack and we can leave after the service."

* * *

The memorial seemed like a blur with friends and family speaking about how great Collins' dad was. Collins managed to say a few words as well as read a poem that his dad always liked, but he felt uncomfortable with all these people. They all knew his father and Collins had to question if he ever really knew his father and if his father had ever really known him.

Collins felt like a robot shaking hands and accepting sympathies as people passed through the reception hall of the funeral parlor. One of the more awkward moments was when his family's lawyer came up to Collins and gave him a letter that his father had left for him. Collins recognized the handwriting and shoved the letter into his pocket, trying to forget about it for the moment.

At the end of the afternoon, the funeral director walked up to Mrs. Collins and handed her the urn containing her husband's ashes. It was over and there was no going back to change things.

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_**A/N:**_ The next chapter will be up by this weekend. :) 


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: _**Alrighty people, the new chapter is here! I decided to add an OC to mix in a little bit more drama to the story. Hey, if you don't like it, tough luck, it's my story :P

**Disclaimer**: I don't own it and I never will**

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Chapter 5 **

The old family car was a much more comfortable ride as Collins was seated in the passenger seat. His mom wanted to drive, which was great since she was the only one who knew where they were going. He rolled down the window and closed his eyes as a cool breeze surrounded him. He opened his eyes as he felt the car finally come to a stop. He held a breath as he recognized where they were: the Poconos. If Collins had known this was the destination, he would've never come and he couldn't help but think that was why his mom didn't tell him.

They were at the same cabin as before, but someone had finally decided to freshen up the outside and the inside with a paint job. The walls had been painted a fresh light blue color that made the room seem calm. The wood floor had a new pine finish that was shiny enough to reflect the sunshine coming through the windows.

Once Collins and his mom had brought their things in from the car, his mom turned to him and asked, "Tom honey, would you mind taking the master bedroom? I don't think I could handle being in that large bed by myself."

"Are you sure? The sofa bed isn't that great."

"Neither is the queen size bed."

Collins agreed and headed back to the other room. The master bedroom had just enough room for the queen size bed, a small set of white drawers and an aisle to walk around. The room was the same light blue as the living room and had plain linen drapes over the window. His mom walked in the room to drop off some sheets to make the bed with and headed back to her own room.

Collins left his room to see if his mother needed any help. The sunroom had also been redone painted the same blue. He noticed his grandmother's old wicker rocking chair sitting in the corner. Out of curiosity, he asked, "Mom, what's Grandma's rocker doing here?"

"Your father loved this place so much, he managed to bring it up here. We've spent the last couple years fixing it up. We even have a small garden out back and window boxes on all the windows. Unfortunately, your dad never had the time to fix up the porch. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep this place. I haven't really decided anything yet. I just wanted to be here. He loved being here even more than being at home."

Collins was a little surprised that he had never heard about this or that his dad had good memories here. He was still hurt that this was yet another thing to the list of many things he hadn't known about his dad.

"He did love you no matter how much the two of you argued. You two were a lot alike: very stubborn."

Collins smiled at his mother, not knowing what he could possibly to say her. She was wrong; they were nothing alike. His father was strong, and Collins was always weak.

He needed some fresh air, so he made up an excuse and headed out the door. He walked around until he found himself on the path to the lake. As he neared, he heard that there was someone in the water. It was getting late and the sun had begun to set. As Collins turned the corner, he heard the voice that had haunted his dreams for five years.

"Erik, get away from me. I can swim on my own without your help. In fact, I think I swim better when you aren't right there."

"Aw Ang, you almost make it sound like your suffering by having to put up with me."

"I love you, but you are unbearable."

The one person that Collins assumed was Erik started to pull away from Angel. He then quickly turned around when he had some space between them and managed to create a wave with his sweeping arm to soak Angel. The two began a playful water fight, splashing each other and laughing.

After a couple minutes of splashing, Angel said to Erik, "I'm really glad that you came with me. These next couple weeks are going to be a lot of fun." Erik swam up close to Angel and gave him a friendly kiss on the lips.

Collins didn't want to hear or see any more. He turned around and walked back to the cabin. His walk quickly turned into a run as he began to punish his lungs for his own stupidity so many years ago. He never expected to see Angel, let alone feel the pain of seeing Angel with someone else. His self-doubts began to seep into his brain and Collins couldn't stop them from coming; after all, they were right.

'_It's been five years. What did you expect? That new guy is probably better than you and Angel deserves to be happy. You don't. You're nothing but a weak, insecure liar.'_

_

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**A/N**_: Next chapter is gonna be up really really soon. So watch out for it! 


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: _**I kept my word that I would have this chapter up soon! I decided to put up 2 chapters since I already had the next chapter ready. I hope you guys like and tell me what you think!

**Disclaimer:** Never in a million years will I own it**

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**Chapter 6**

Collins slowly stumbled back to the cabin in the dark as he tried to formulate a plan to get him through the next couple weeks. Angel went all over the campsite, so they were bound to run into each other eventually, unless he stayed inside.

Collins decided to get a drink to try and calm his nerves. He checked to make sure his mom was fast asleep in the other room before searching the cabinets. On his fifth try, he managed to locate a bottle of Stoli. He pulled out a glass and poured the vodka into it. He quickly drank it before refilling his glass. The next drink, he nursed a little longer and continued to consume the vodka until he drank himself to sleep.

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Collins woke to find his mom shaking his shoulder, trying to wake him up. She was already dressed and had cleaned up the mess he had left. He glanced at the clock in the kitchen and saw that it was already noon. He contemplated dragging himself back to bed, but didn't think his stomach could handle it. His mom loudly slammed a plate of toast in front of him, she never did have much patience for self-inflicted pain. 

"Aren't you supposed to give coffee to someone who is drunk?" asked Collins

"One: you're not drunk, you are hung over and after the amount you consumed, you deserve it. And two: who wants a drunk that's wide awake?"

Collins couldn't help but laugh at his mother's observations, but soon regretted when the sound started vibrating in his skull.

"Since your dad and I bought this cabin, I have been trying to get to know all the regulars, so I invited a family over tonight. I don't want to become isolated and I don't want you to isolate yourself either. You should take a shower and get a few more hours sleep after you eat this toast."

Collins saw no point in arguing with her since it might get her to be quiet. He finished the toast and then drank the orange juice his mother gave him. He headed straight to bed and decided to shower later.

For the second time that day, he was awoken by his mother telling him to get ready. The hot water from the shower felt even more refreshing than his nap or the food he ate. When he got out of the shower, he brushed his teeth twice to make sure he was rid of the smell and brushed his hair. He had only a towel wrapped around his waist when he heard a familiar voice.

"It's all right Mrs. Collins. I can get the tray of drinks."

Collins was going to make a run for it and run into the bedroom, but his feet were wet from the shower. He felt two hands on his back trying to steady him, but he only managed to take both of them out. Collins was mortified to realize not only what a klutz he was, but that he was on top of the person he fell on. As he pulled himself up, he realized the person he fell on was Angel, who was rubbing the back of his head as he sat up.

When Angel looked up at Collins, his cheeks started to turn red. Collins figured Angel was probably uncomfortable to have run into him again. That was when he began to feel a cool draft and looked to find his towel in Angel's hand.

"Sorry," Angel said, blushing while handing Collins the towel. Angel stood up and made his way toward the kitchen to get the tray. Collins wrapped the towel around himself before heading to his bedroom. He was trying to keep his emotions under control as well as his bodily functions. Whatever Collins was going to do, he was not going out there.

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**_A/N:_** Please review! Reviews make me happy :) 


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N: _**Here's the next chapter. Let me know what you think because reviews give me inspiration! 

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it and never will in a million years.**

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**Chapter 7**

Collins couldn't believe his mom had come into the house and dragged him out by his ear. He busied himself looking at the garden or the porch that still needed repairs; anywhere but those brown eyes. Every once in a while, he would sneak a quick peek at Angel. His lips were as full as Collins remembered and were wet from the juices of the fruit salad he ate. Collins wondered how they would taste before reminding himself of who else sat at the table.

He glanced over at Erik, who was dressed in mostly black, even though with the heat he should be burning up. Part of Collins was hoping Erik would melt and leave Angel to him, but the way Erik draped his arm over Angel's shoulder and pulled him close to whisper in his ear, Collins got rid of that little fantasy.

When the meal was finally finished, Collins' mom talked with Angel's mom and sister in the living room, and ogled his baby niece. Angel volunteered to clear the table and Collins decided to help. Erik sat back watching, giving Collins the dirtiest looks. When Angel went into the kitchen to put away some things, Erik strode up to Collins with a malicious look in his dark eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Collins looked at Erik, and immediately felt irritated by his presence. "My parents own this cabin, so I think that means I'm welcome."

"You already had your chance and you hurt him."

"That was never my intention."

"Well, you know what they say about good intentions."

Collins felt his anger rising. He already told himself he wasn't good enough for Angel, he didn't need to be reminded. Angel returned to the room and immediately sensed the tension. He moved himself between the two young men and led them into the living room with the women.

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Later that night, Mrs. Collins kept talking about how sweet Angel was and wondering if he was seeing anyone. She knew some girls that would love someone as kind and sweet as Angel. Collins didn't have the heart to tell his mom that not only was Angel gay, but he was already taken. Collins absolutely despised Erik and couldn't help but wonder what Angel saw in him. He knew deep in his heart that Angel was that special someone for him, but he loved Angel to much to steal him away from Erik. He wanted to win Angel's heart the right way, if only he could prove to himself that he was worthy of Angel's love.

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**_A/N_**: I long for reviews like Collins longs for Angel. That was SO corny :P LOL! 


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N: _**New chapter is here guys! I started writing this at around midnight and it is now 4:15 in the morning!! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Please read and tell me what you think. I'm going to bed now. I am so sleepy!!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it and never will

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**Chapter 8**

Collins started an early morning ritual of heading to the lake first thing in the morning. He would see Angel out there like old times, but without Erik. Collins wasn't intimidated by Erik; he just had no use for him or his unique charm, which sometimes came off as rudeness.

Angel would talk about his family and Erik and how Erik looked out for him. Collins secretly wished he could have done that for Angel. Collins talked about school and his dad passing. He also told Angel things he had never told anyone else, like his regrets about the distance between him and his dad.

Angel didn't seem to judge him, he just listened. Collins found those moments to be intense as he connected with another person without holding anything back. Afterwards, he would feel emotionally drained and would work on the deck at the cabin or whatever other projects he could find lying around.

A week had passed and Collins' mom decided to visit a nearby relative for a day. She told Collins he could stay behind if he wanted. He was more than happy to stay since it meant being close to Angel.

Collins body seemed to ache everywhere after digging some new post holes for the porch. His dad had left behind plans for a porch that would be on all sides of the cabin. Collins had considered renting a machine to make the work easier, but he liked using his hands. He was cleaning up the kitchen floor where he had tracked dirt. As he placed the broom in the hallway closet, an envelope fell out of the pocket of his jacket. He picked it up, feeling the paper against his fingers. He had forgotten about the letter, and with everything else that had been going on, part of him just wanted to avoid it. He sat down at the kitchen table, placing his finger under the flap of the envelope and ripped it open. He pulled out the letter that his father had written to him.

_**Dear Tom,**_

_**First and foremost, I want to make sure you know how much I love you. You have been my greatest accomplishment.**_

_**These last few years, the closeness we once shared just isn't there anymore. I never meant for that to happen or to have it become so big.**_

_**We only seem to see you at Thanksgiving and Christmas and you never seem to be all there. If you are reading this letter, I can only assume I was a coward and never tried to reach out to you. We have never discussed certain things about my life or yours. If I thought for even a moment that talking openly about my cancer would make things easier for you...I'm sorry I didn't take that opportunity. You've only known about it for the last few years since you were nineteen, but I have had different forms for longer than that. My home with you and your mother became my sanctuary where I could pretend there was nothing wrong, but in turn, I was suffocating you. That was never my intention and it hurt me to know that I had lost your friendship and trust.**_

_**As usual, I just tried to pretend that it was my imagination or you being a teenager. The longer I ignored the problem, the farther we drifted apart. That day when I realized you were gay was one of my worst days. Not because of what you are, but what it meant. I always wanted to be the type of father that you could confide in, only to find that I had utterly failed you. When I told your mother, she already seemed to know, but it had never occurred to me. To make my mistake worse, I told my brother what had happened. He seemed to have a good relationship with his children and I needed advice on how to make it up to you. He had no advice to give, but he did tell anyone who would listen and clearly made your last few weeks with us what I assume to be hell.**_

_**I also regret what I can only consider to be emotionally damaging comments too. I know I once referred to them as being sick. I have tried to keep myself from believing any misconception about homosexuality, but parts of it frighten me. As a parent, the idea that one would outlive their children is the worst possible scenario. What would make this situation even worse is if your child was in pain from a disease and there was nothing you could do about it. I can only trust your decisions and hope that you practice safe sex at all times.**_

_**I have also heard of some horror stories of certain violent acts committed against gay people. Everyday I have heard your voice and knew that you were fine has been an answered prayer. I always thought that if you had the right friends that you would have some protection against any falls, either professionally or personally. It's funny how age can make you realize certain truths. Even with the most influential friends, one can be vulnerable. Through the best parts of my life and the worst, all I've needed is my best friend, your mother. I have never had to impress her, except for the dating process, but she is the most powerful person in my life because of what she is to me. My wish for you is that you can at least have one good friend like her.**_

_**Whenever you came home, you seemed like a totally different person. I didn't only lose my relationship with you, but I didn't know you anymore. In all the years I raised you, I taught you right and wrong and how to go after what you want, but I didn't teach you the most important lesson. Above all else, Tom, know thyself. If you don't, others may never have the pleasure of knowing the real you either.**_

_**Please forgive me.**_

_**With all my love,**_

_**Dad**_

Collins couldn't stop the tears that were falling down his face as his dad's handwriting blurred. He rested his head in his hands, suddenly feeling like he wanted to throw up.

'_Why did he wait so long? Was I that difficult to talk to? He blames himself, but I made the rift between the two of us. It's not fair that we wasted all this time when it's just too late for either one of us.'_

His anger started to get the better of him and he wished he could yell at someone for this, but it all came down to choices he had made. He grabbed the edge of the kitchen table and flipped it over. The plate from his lunch fell to the floor and shattered. Anything that was in close proximity received the same treatment as the table. Collins had pretty much thrown everything he could when he finally fell to his knees. His body was shaking and the tears had never stopped flowing. The table was lying upside down on the floor as were the two kitchen chairs. Pots had fallen into the sink and on the counter when he ripped the potholder from the ceiling, leaving four large holes. Some more plates had been broken in the sink when the potholder fell. Collins buried his face in his hands, not wanting to see or feel anything. There were so many times when he had made himself numb to the outside world, to hide his pain, but he felt powerless.

All through the years, people were astonished by Collins' patience and how emotionally balanced he was, but in private, those skills seemed to evade him.

Collins was unaware of the front screen door opening. He felt a hand gently squeeze his shoulder. How many times had Angel managed to use a simple touch to ground him and comfort him at the same time? Collins had been crying so hard, he started to hiccup. Angel just reached his hand down and rubbed small circles on Collins' back. As Collins looked up into Angel's eyes, a nursery rhyme ran through his mind.

_Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall_

_Humpty Dumpty had a great fall_

_All the king's horses and all the king's men_

_Couldn't put Humpty together again _

"Fix me."

Collins thought he had only whispered his request, and part of him hoped Angel didn't hear him. Angel dropped to his knees and took Collins' face in his hands.

"There is nothing to fix, Tom. You're perfect as you are."

Collins rested his head against Angel's shoulder and was grateful for the gentle arms that held him tight. When the tears came to a stop, Angel stood up and urged Collins to do the same. He took Collins' hand and led him to the bedroom. Once, they were away from the disaster of the kitchen and behind closed doors, Angel gently pushed Collins down on the bed. The bed creaked as he climbed in and slid under the sheets with Collins, facing him. He wrapped and arm around him and traced invisible circles on his arm.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Angel asked softly.

Collins closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. "My dad wrote me a letter before he died. His lawyer gave it to me and I just read it today. It just reminded me of how I never really knew him."

"Do you think you know him now that you read the letter?"

"What difference would that make? He's dead now."

"But you're not. Your biggest regret when you came here was that you missed an opportunity to know him. It would be great if everyone could tell their loved ones what they need to know every chance they get, but it usually takes a tragedy to get people to do that. I remember you once said you were jealous of the open relationship I have with my mom and my sister. My mom always told us there may not always be a later, so it's best not to leave things unsaid."

"My father has been fighting cancer for years. He could have said something. Anything, instead of that damn letter."

"If he did tell you those things when he was alive, he may have felt he was admitting defeat. By writing a letter, if he died before he did say what he wanted to, he would know you would still get his message. He obviously loved you very much if he went to all the trouble to make sure you would know"

"You really think so?"

"Yes. He would be a fool otherwise, and you always said your dad was a very smart man."

Collins looked into Angel's eyes for a moment. The gold color of the sheets brought out the gold flecks in his brown eyes. Collins rested his head on Angel's chest so he could hear his steady heartbeat. That was the way he fell asleep, in the arms of an Angel, feeling a peace he had lacked for so long.

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**_A/N: _**You know the drill, so get to it. :) 


	9. Chapter 9

**_A/N: _**This chapter is really short, but I think you guys will like it. :)

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it and never will.

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**Chapter 9**

As the sun crept through the windows, Collins awoke to the feeling of a warm body beside him. He looked to see Angel snuggled against him. He watched Angel sleep peacefully, mesmerized by his beauty. A few minutes later, Angel's eyes opened and Collins watched as Angel smiled at him. On impulse, Collins lowered his lips to Angel's neck and placed a light kiss. He slowly let his lips travel up Angel's neck to his cheek and ultimately his mouth. Collins half expected Angel to push him away, but he couldn't stop himself. Collins felt a slight push against his chest as Angel ended the kiss. Collins figured it was probably about Erik until he realized what Angel heard.

"Thomas Collins, I wasn't even gone for 24 hours and look what happened. My pot rack! I had a hard time finding one that would fit into this small kitchen!"

He heard his mom's footsteps as she approached the bedroom. He thought about getting up to lock the door, but he couldn't move. He watched in slow motion as the knob turned and his mom opened the door. He still didn't move even though Angel was trying to grab the sheets to hide. He only managed to get the covers over his head just in time for Collins' mom to see him do it.

"Next time, lock the door and pretend not to be home. You'll get a lot farther."

Collins tried to contain his laughter, but one look at Angel's blushing face, and he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"That's not funny! And just for that, you're on your own for the clean-up." Angel threw Collins a look as he sat up, running his hand through his short hair.

"So, I suppose you have to go back to Erik."

"No. Erik can only stand a few days before he heads back to Jersey to chase guys."

Collins was confused, "You two have quite the relationship."

"What do you mean? Don't you have someone who you'll be best friends forever with? Wait a minute. You thought me and Erik were...," Angel started to chuckled a bit, making Collins even more confused. "Erik is not my boyfriend. He can't commit to anything to save his life. He couldn't commit to a house plant."

That was all Collins wanted to hear as he pulled Angel to him and kissed him passionately.

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**_A/N:_** The next chapter will be the last. 


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N:**_ Okay here it is, the last chapter. I had fun writing this and I wanna say thanks to all the reviewers, you guys give me inspiration. (_gives cookies to you all_)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it, but I can always dream.

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**Chapter 10**

It seemed so long ago since Collins had been so happy with Angel in his arms, but it was only mere hours ago. The two just held each other and kissed until Collins' mom interrupted them again. He finally got up and cleaned up the kitchen from the events of the night before. He even filled the holes in the ceiling. Angel eventually came out of the bedroom and when Collins' mom mentioned needing some caffeine, he happily made coffee and threw together a breakfast for the three of them. Collins' mom told him that she wanted to scatter his dad's ashes by the lake that day. Collins asked Angel to go with him since he needed his love and support.

The three walked a path that had gorgeous views of the nature that surrounded the cabins. They walked in silence, but Collins kept his hand around Angel, afraid that his newfound happiness might disappear. They finally reached the end of the trail on a small cliff that looked out on the lake. There were a few tree stumps around that people had obviously used as seats. Collins could imagine his mom and dad walking up here whenever they could to enjoy the view.

Collins and Angel stayed behind as his mom said her goodbyes to her husband and opened the urn to allow the ashes to mix with the wind. She walked up to her son, stood on the tip of her toes to kiss Collins' forehead and thanked him for coming. She gave Angel a kiss on the cheek and started to walk back down the path. Angel gave Collins' hand a squeeze and then released it. "I'll see you in a little bit."

Collins' eyes followed Angel down the path until he was far enough to give Collins his privacy. Collins moved forward closer to the edge. He thought that the memorial service itself would be the hardest part, but it was only the beginning. As more time went by, Collins realized even more what would never be. No more phone calls to make sure they were both all right, no more ice cream raids at three in the morning while his mom was asleep. There was only this: the final goodbye.

He could tell his dad that he forgave him, but he felt there was nothing to forgive, each had made mistakes, but with one final act, he felt closer to his father than he had in years. There was only one thing Collins felt needed to be said because no matter what, it could never be said enough.

"I love you."

He returned to the path and soon found himself by Angel's side. They hugged before taking the long walk back. Collins was no longer trapped by the past or what he perceived as failures and was ready to begin his future. He remembered a poster his roommate had that he always thought was cliché, yet so true. It was a picture of a brick wall with "No day but today" written it graffiti on it.

Back at the cabin, Collins' mom was grabbing her bags and placing them in the trunk of the car. It seemed as if she, too, had a weight lifted off of her with this one last gesture. As Collins approached her, he could see that her eyes finally seemed to shine again, which he had missed the past couple weeks.

"Sweetheart, I think I'm finally ready to go back. I love you so much and can't thank you enough for coming with me. I told Ms. Schunard that Angel was here so she won't have to worry. I bought you a ticket for a bus back to New York at the end of this month. That should give you enough time to get the porch done as well as get ready for school. Just don't let yourself get too distracted with you know what and no more damage to my kitchen. Angel, feel free to keep my son in line."

Angel smiled at the idea and stifled a laugh since Collins was bigger than him. Collins' mom finally finished with the packing and held Collins close to her.

"I think were both gonna be okay, sweetie."

"How did you know, and where do you get off setting me up?"

"A mother has her ways."

With that final hug and kiss, Collins and Angel watched as his mom drove away.

Collins turned to Angel and asked, "What are we gonna do?"

"Oh, we'll think of something." Angel playfully winked and then ran into the cabin with Collins close behind.

**The End**

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_A/N:_** That's it. It's all over. Tell me what you think :) 


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